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The bar graph illustrates the data of revenue earned from tourism in US dollar billions in 4 different countries in 2010 and 2015

The bar graph illustrates the data of revenue earned from tourism in US dollar billions in 4 different countries in 2010 and 2015 x0RPa
The bar graph illustrates the data of revenue earned from tourism in US dollar billions in 4 different countries in 2010 and 2015. overview, Australia had the highest profit through tourism compared to other countries. It was observed that New Zealand had the lowest income obtained in both the years. In 2010, New Zealand had earned 6 billion which reached to 9 billion in 2015. In 2010, Malaysia had 18 billion income which slightly reduced to 17 billion in 2015. Whereas Singapore had 14 billion revenue in 2010 which slightly increased to 16 in 2015. On the other hand, Australia received the highest revenue in both the years. In 2010, Australia had 28 billion dollars income which peaked at 29 billion in 2015. Moreover, there were only minor differences of one or two billion dollars in both the years in all countries except New Zealand which showed 3 billion dollar growth from 2010 to 2015.
The bar graph illustrates the data of revenue earned from tourism in US
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dollar
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billions
in 4
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different
countries in 2010 and 2015.
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overview
, Australia had the highest profit through tourism compared to other countries.

It
was observed
that New Zealand had the lowest income obtained in both the years. In 2010, New Zealand had earned 6
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billion
which reached to 9
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billion
in 2015. In 2010, Malaysia had 18
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billion
income which
slightly
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reduced
to 17
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billion
in 2015.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
Singapore had 14
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billion
revenue in 2010 which
slightly
increased to 16 in 2015.
On the other hand
, Australia received the highest revenue in both the years. In 2010, Australia had 28
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billion
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dollars
income which peaked at 29
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billion
in 2015.
Moreover
, there were
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only
minor differences of one or two
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in both the years in all countries except New Zealand which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
3
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollar
growth from 2010 to 2015.
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates the data of revenue earned from tourism in US dollar billions in 4 different countries in 2010 and 2015

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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