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Many proponents opine that in today’s era, it is an ordinary thing for every person of the family to have their own personal gadget of advanced machinery; while many multitudes opine that, this will surely going to break up family’s interactions as well as connections. I agree with this notion because advancement in technologies distract people towards themselves which will going to break the bonds and links between various family members. Firstly, this modern era is very advanced because of advancement of technology. Every member of the family has his own personal technological gadget such as: mobile phones, laptops and computers. These technological gadgets distract the people as well as children towards themselves. To exemplify, a survey was conducted in the year of 1999 by the London university of Paris, which consequented that 60% of the family members have their own personal gadgets for their own separate uses. Secondly, every person’s own personal gadget will lead to break down the connection and relationships between one another. If people will have their own personal gadget, they will continue to use it in their own way or personally. They will not spend time with their own ones and parents. To cite an epitome, a survey was conducted in 2000 by Franchise university of America, which resulted that 20% of the bonds are broken or separated up because of less interactions or because of use of technological gadgets. To summarise, the ongoing trend of growing use of gadgets is useful sometimes but if it will continue to distract the people, there would be a huge loss of relationships, interactions and links because of no facial interaction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
proponents opine that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era, it is an ordinary thing for every person of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadget
of advanced machinery; while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multitudes opine that, this will
surely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
going
to break up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
as well
as connections. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
advancement in technologies distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards themselves which will going to break the bonds and links between various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.

Firstly
, this modern era is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advanced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of advancement of technology.

Every member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadget
such as: mobile phones, laptops and computers. These technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
distract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as children towards themselves. To exemplify, a survey
was conducted
in the year of 1999 by the London university of Paris, which
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequented
that 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
separate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
.

Secondly
, every person’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadget
will lead to break down the connection and relationships between one another. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadget
, they will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way or
personally
. They will not spend time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ones and parents. To cite an epitome, a survey
was conducted
in 2000 by Franchise university of America, which resulted that 20% of the bonds
are broken
or separated up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun interactions is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technological gadgets.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, the ongoing trend of growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
is useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if it will continue to distract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there would be a huge loss of relationships,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
and links
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no facial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
.
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IELTS academic The bar graph illustrates congratulationss

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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