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The bar graph depicts the proportion of academic staff members, sorted by gender and faculty, in a well-known university in 2012.

The bar graph depicts the proportion of academic staff members, sorted by gender and faculty, in a well-known university in 2012. 5anAm
The bar graph depicts the proportion of academic staff members, sorted by gender and faculty, in a well-known university in 2012. Women had higher representation in the Arts and Education faculties, while male staff members made up a larger proportion of the Business, Engineering, Law and Science faculties. The faculty of medicine was largely evenly split. The faculties dealing with humanities such as arts and eduction employed a greater number of female staff. This is particularly evident in the faculty of education which had approximately 3 times as many women as men on staff - 75% were women and 25% were men. The business and science faculties, on the other hand, had a larger percentage of male employees. Mostly notably, the engineering faculty had over 4 times as many men than women, far outstripping the other faculties in terms of gender disparity. In comparison, the faculty of science and law saw around 3 men for every 2 women that worked there, and there were about twice as many men as women in the business faculty. Medicine was the faculty with the smallest difference in male and female employees, with each gender making up approximately 50% and only only slightly more women than men.
The bar graph depicts the proportion of academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members, sorted by gender and faculty, in a well-known university in 2012.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
had higher representation in the Arts and Education faculties, while male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
members made up a larger proportion of the Business, Engineering, Law and Science faculties. The faculty of medicine was
largely
evenly
split.

The faculties dealing with humanities such as arts and
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eduction
employed a greater number of female
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staff
. This is
particularly
evident in the faculty of education which had approximately 3 times as
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
on
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staff
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
75% were
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women
and 25% were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

The business and science faculties,
on the other hand
, had a larger percentage of male employees.
Mostly
notably
, the engineering faculty had over 4 times as
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, far outstripping the other faculties in terms of gender disparity.
In comparison
, the faculty of science and law
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saw
around 3
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men
for every 2
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women
that worked there, and there were about twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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men
as
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women
in the business faculty.

Medicine was the faculty with the smallest difference in male and female employees, with each gender making up approximately 50% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slightly
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.

IELTS academic The bar graph depicts the proportion of academic staff members, sorted by gender and faculty, in a well-known university in 2012.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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