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Mobile Phone Advantage and Disadvantage

Mobile Phone Advantage and Disadvantage BgBnw
Mobile Phone is important part of life. Mobile can connect two persons if they are far away from each other. in-fact mobile play very important part in emergency. Today we are Going to discuss its advantage and Disadvantage as well. First of all we will talk about advantage of mobile. First advantage of mobile is that you can call anyone in any case of emergency For example if you are suffering from any pain and you can't go to hospital by yourself you can simply call emergency number like we have 1122 than they will come to your door step and they will take you to Hospital. Second advantage of mobile is Navigation system. For example if you are going anywhere and you don't know the exact way of that place. than simply we have to open Google map and start the navigation system we will reach to our place.
Mobile Phone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of life. Mobile can connect two persons if they are far away from each other.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in-fact
mobile play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in emergency.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we are Going to discuss its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
and Disadvantage
as well
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
we will talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of mobile.
First
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of mobile is that you can call anyone in any case of emergency
For example
if you are suffering from any pain and you can't go to hospital by yourself you can
simply
call emergency number like we have 1122 than they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to your door
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
step and
they will take you to Hospital. Second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
of mobile is Navigation system.
For example
if you are going anywhere and you don't know the exact way of that place.
Did you mean "Then"?
than
simply
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
open Google map and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the navigation system we will reach to our place.

IELTS academic Mobile Phone Advantage and Disadvantage

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
150 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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