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The bar chat illustrates the numbers of children divided by gender who played six different types of sport in a town in England in 2012. v.2

The bar chat illustrates the numbers of children divided by gender who played six different types of sport in a town in England in 2012. v. 2
The bar chat illustrates the numbers of children divided by gender who played six different types of sport in a town in England in 2012. Overall, there were more boys who practiced sport than girls. In particular, the most popular game among boys was football, followed by tennis while girls preferred swimming to any other sport. On the other hand hockey was the least favorite kind of sport with both boys and girls. Boys outnumbered girls in football, tennis, cycling and hockey. For instance, there were three times as many boys (60) as girls(20) who played football and almost twice as many boys(38) as girls(20) who did cycling and played hockey. With regard to tennis, the difference in the numbers of boys and girls playing tennis was not so considerable. Swimming and badminton were the most popular sports among girls who exceeded boys by about 20% and 25% respectively.
The bar chat illustrates the numbers of children divided by gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
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sport
in a town in England in 2012.

Overall
, there were more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
practiced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
In particular
, the most popular game among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
was football, followed by tennis while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
preferred swimming to any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
On the other hand
hockey was the least favorite kind of
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sport
with both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and girls.

Boys outnumbered
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girls
in football, tennis, cycling and hockey.
For instance
, there were three times as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
(60) as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls(20)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
played football and almost twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys(38)
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls(20)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "went cycling".
did cycling
and played hockey. With regard to tennis, the difference in the numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
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girls
playing tennis was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
considerable.

Swimming and badminton were the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
exceeded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
by about 20% and 25%
respectively
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic The bar chat illustrates the numbers of children divided by gender who played six different types of sport in a town in England in 2012. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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