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The bar charts illustrate the employment rates of men and women in 3 different countries namely Canada, South Korea, Sweden for the years 2005 and 2015.

The bar charts illustrate the employment rates of men and women in 3 different countries namely Canada, South Korea, Sweden for the years 2005 and 2015. 8O5r
The bar charts illustrate the employment rates of men and women in 3 different countries namely Canada, South Korea, Sweden for the years 2005 and 2015. Overall, in Canada and South Korea the employment rates of both men and women seems to have increased during the decade. However, in Sweden the male employment rate slightly declined but the female rate has seen a rise. In the year 2005, in all the three countries more than 60% of males were employed accounting for 62% in Canada and 72%, 78% in South Korea and Sweden respectively. In contrast, more than half of women were unemployed in these countries, South Korea is the country in which the working population of women was the least standing at 30% whereas in Canada and Sweden it was around 38% and 45% respectively. By the end of 2015, all the aforementioned countries except for Sweden has seen a rise in male employment rate, with Canada standing at 70%, South Korea at 78% and Sweden at 70%. In comparison, the women employment rate has seen a growth with Canada rising by 10%, South Korea and Sweden growing by 5% each.
The bar charts illustrate the
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employment
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rates
of
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men
and
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women
in 3
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different
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countries
namely
Canada, South Korea, Sweden for the years 2005 and 2015.

Overall
, in Canada and South Korea the
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employment
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rates
of both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
seems to have increased during the decade.
However
, in Sweden the male
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employment
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rate
slightly
declined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the female
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rate
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise.

In the year 2005, in all the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
more than 60% of males
were employed
accounting for 62% in Canada and 72%, 78% in South Korea and Sweden
respectively
.
In contrast
, more than half of
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women
were unemployed
in these
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countries
, South Korea is the
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country
in which the working population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was the least standing at 30% whereas in Canada and Sweden it was around 38% and 45%
respectively
.

By the
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end
of 2015, all the aforementioned
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countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Sweden has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a rise in male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
, with Canada standing at 70%, South Korea at 78% and Sweden at 70%.
In comparison
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a growth with Canada rising by 10%, South Korea and Sweden growing by 5% each.
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IELTS academic The bar charts illustrate the employment rates of men and women in 3 different countries namely Canada, South Korea, Sweden for the years 2005 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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