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Internet Activity of Two age group people

Internet Activity of Two age group people PKgB
The charts illustrate the proportion of time between two age groups, which is younger and older people, who spend their off time on several internet activities excluding email. Overall, younger people spend most of their time on social networking accounted for almost a quarter, while older people spend one-fourth of their free time making booking such as cinema and traveling. People between the age group of 18 and 26, one-fifth of their free time researching e. g. health data, compared to older people (60-70 age group) who spend a little higher and that is 22%. Surprisingly, both of them had a similar percentage in terms of Making purchases which were accounted for 12%. Older people spent their free time on the internet making bookings that are 5 times higher than the young age group. On the other hand, in terms of music and films, younger and older age, comprised for almost a fifth, which is 21%, and 15%, respectively. The younger age group spent their off times on social media for nearly a fourth, is that 24%, while 21% had spent by the older group. Last but not the least, 18% and 5% of their free time, younger and older people spent playing games, respectively.
The charts illustrate the proportion of
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time
between two
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age
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groups
, which is
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younger
and
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older
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people
, who
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spend
their off
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time
on several internet activities excluding email.

Overall
,
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younger
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people
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spend
most of their
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time
on social networking accounted for almost a quarter, while
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older
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people
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spend
one-fourth of their
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free
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time
making booking such as cinema and traveling.

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People
between the
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age
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group
of 18 and 26, one-fifth of their
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free
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time
researching
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
health data, compared to
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older
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people
(60-70
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age
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group)
who
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spend
a
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little
higher and
that is
22%.
Surprisingly
, both of them had a similar percentage in terms of Making
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purchases
which
were accounted
for
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12%. Older
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people
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spent
their
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free
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time
on the internet making bookings that are 5
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times
higher than the young
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age
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group
.
On the other hand
, in terms of music and films,
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younger
and
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older
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age
, comprised for almost a fifth, which is 21%, and 15%,
respectively
.

The
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younger
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age
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group
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spent
their off
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times
on social media for
nearly
a fourth, is that 24%, while 21% had
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spent
by the
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older
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group
. Last
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but
not the least, 18% and 5% of their
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free
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time
,
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younger
and
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older
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
playing games,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Internet Activity of Two age group people

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
205 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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