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the bar chart, tea and coffee buyers in Australia

the bar chart, tea and coffee buyers in Australia AB2yN
The bar chart shows percentages from a study od residents who purchased coffee and tea, in five metropolitan areas of Australia, within the last four weeks. Overall, the highest percentages of purchasers were for coffee and tea bought in the coffee stores, followed by instant coffee and then fresh coffee. Looking at the consumers at cafes, the highest proportions were in Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide, which all recorded a little over 60%. This was followed by just under 55% in Brisbane, and then approximately 50% in Adelaide, which was the only city where this category was not the highest. Turning to the instant coffee, Brisbane and Hobart had the highest proportions at a little under 55% of residents. Adelaide was next with 50%, which accounted for their highest proportion for all types of purchases. Sydney and Melbourne had the lowest at a little over 45% each. Finally, the highest proportion of fresh coffee consumers were in Sydney and Melbourne, which were both approximately Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest at approximately 35%.
The bar chart
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shows
percentages from a study
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od
residents who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
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coffee
and tea, in five metropolitan areas of Australia, within the last four weeks.
Overall
, the highest percentages of purchasers were for
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coffee
and tea
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bought
in the
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coffee
stores, followed by instant
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coffee
and then fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
. Looking at the consumers at
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, the highest proportions were in Sydney, Melbourne and Adelaide, which all recorded a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over 60%. This
was followed
by
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just
under 55% in Brisbane, and then approximately 50% in Adelaide, which was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
city where this category was not the highest. Turning to the instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
, Brisbane and Hobart had the highest proportions at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
under 55% of residents. Adelaide was
next
with 50%, which accounted for their highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
for all types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
. Sydney and Melbourne had the lowest at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
over 45% each.
Finally
, the highest
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proportion
of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
consumers were in Sydney and Melbourne, which were both approximately Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest at approximately 35%.
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IELTS academic the bar chart, tea and coffee buyers in Australia

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
172 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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