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the bar chart shows the percentage of adults who use vision correction in the form of glasses or contact lenses.

the bar chart shows the percentage of adults who use vision correction in the form of glasses or contact lenses. E7NRR
the bar chart shows the percentage of adults who use vision correction in the form of glasses or contact lenses. In 1990, adults use the glasses about 65% and contact lenses were about 1-2%. In 1995, contact lenses were popular than 1990 so the percent higher about 9%. The percent people use glasses higher than 1990 about 6%. Next is 2000, people use glasses and contact lenses were continue increased. The percent of glasses are about nearly 68% and contact lenses were 10%. However in 2005, percent of adults wearing glasses were dis creased 2-3%, it's 64-65%, but contact lenses were increased about 12%. In 2010, adults use glasses are increased in 67%, the percent of contact lenses were increased at 17%. Overall, people use glasses were increased, however the also dis creased but not to much. And contact lenses were increased in many years.
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the
bar chart
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shows
the percentage of
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adults
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
vision correction in the form of glasses or
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contact
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lenses
. In 1990,
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adults
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use
the glasses about 65% and
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contact
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lenses
were about 1-2%. In 1995,
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contact
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lenses
were
Use "(popular)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
popular
than 1990
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so
the
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percent
higher about 9%. The
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percent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glasses higher than 1990 about 6%.
Next
is 2000,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glasses and
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contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lenses
were
Consider using a past participle here: "continued".
continue
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increased
. The
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percent
of glasses
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
about
nearly
68% and
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contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lenses
were 10%.
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However
in 2005,
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percent
of
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adults
wearing glasses were
Did you mean "this"?
dis
creased 2-3%, it's 64-65%,
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but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lenses
were
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increased
about 12%. In 2010,
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adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glasses are
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increased
in 67%, the
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lenses
were
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increased
at 17%.
Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glasses were
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increased
,
however
the
also
Did you mean "this"?
dis
creased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Did you mean "too"?
to
much. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
contact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lenses
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

IELTS academic the bar chart shows the percentage of adults who use vision correction in the form of glasses or contact lenses.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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