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the bar chart shows the number of volunteers in newzealand who helped sports

the bar chart shows the number of volunteers in newzealand who helped sports PVx2g
The bar graph depicts the information about proportion of volunteers by household type and the pie chart shows the sport support roles in NSW in 2010 Overall, maximum proportion of volunteers who helped in couple and dependent children and maximum number of volunteers who doing jobs in medical support or others. To start with bar chart, maximum number of volunteers who helped in New Zealand couple and dependent children about 49. 8% and next highest percentage of volunteers helped in couple with no dependent children were approximately 26. 9%. Moreover, one parent helped by volunteers was only 10. 9%. The pie chart shows the maximum volunteers who are doing job in coach instructor or teacher in New Zealand about 206, 000. Committee member or administrator was second highest position in New Zealand an account 158, 600. Furthermore, referee or umpire and medical support people who are working as a volunteers in New Zealand were maximum about 98, 300 and 62, 700 respectively.
The bar graph depicts the information about proportion of
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volunteers
by household type and the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the sport support roles in NSW in 2010

Overall
, maximum proportion of
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volunteers
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in couple and dependent children and maximum number of
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volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
doing jobs in medical support or others.

To
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start
with bar chart, maximum number of
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volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in
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New
Zealand couple and dependent children about 49. 8% and
next
highest percentage of
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volunteers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in couple with no dependent children were approximately 26. 9%.
Moreover
, one parent
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helped
by
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volunteers
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10. 9%.

The pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are doing job in coach instructor or teacher in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand about 206, 000. Committee member or administrator was second highest position in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand an account 158, 600.
Furthermore
, referee or umpire and medical support
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are working as a
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volunteers
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
Zealand were maximum about 98, 300 and 62, 700
respectively
.
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IELTS academic the bar chart shows the number of volunteers in newzealand who helped sports

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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