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The bar chart shows the average number of hours per week that the men and women spend doing activities around the home

The bar chart shows the average number of hours per week that the men and women spend doing activities around the home gDYVd
The bar chart illustrates the average of hours spend for both men and women weekly doing activities around the home. At the first glance it is evident that, the males spent more time on watching television, gardening, and surfing the internet, while the females spend more time on cooking, cleaning the house, and washing up. Reading is the only activities that both of them spent almost the same time on it. With regards to women they are spending there majority of time on cooking, at 15 hours approximately compared to 9 hours for men. Women also, spent more than the double amount of time than men on cleaning the house. Again, washing up is predominantly a task that undertaken by females rather than males, at 7 and 5 hours respectively. Turning to men, the most popular activities for them is watching television, with a little bit higher than women. Interestingly, then men spend approximately 3 times more then women surfing the internet. Gardening accounts for a just few hours per week for both sexes.
The bar chart illustrates the average of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
spend for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
weekly doing activities around the home. At the
first
glance it is evident that, the males spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching television, gardening, and surfing the internet, while the females spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on cooking, cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, and washing up. Reading is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
activities that both of them spent almost the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on it.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
they are spending there
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on cooking, at 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
approximately compared to 9
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
also
, spent more than the double amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
on cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Again, washing up is
predominantly
a task that undertaken by females
rather
than males, at 7 and 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
respectively
. Turning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, the most popular activities for them is watching television, with a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Interestingly
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
spend approximately 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
surfing the internet. Gardening accounts for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week for both sexes.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the average number of hours per week that the men and women spend doing activities around the home

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
174 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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