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The bar chart shows the amount of sales generated from home broadband, telephones, and online film/music, the 3 best-selling products sold by Northcom, in the year 2000, 2015, and the estimation of year 2030.

The bar chart shows the amount of sales generated from home broadband, telephones, and online film/music, the 3 best-selling products sold by Northcom, in the year 2000, 2015, and the estimation of year 2030. KWA6R
The bar chart shows the amount of sales generated from home broadband, telephones, and online film/music, the 3 best-selling products sold by Northcom, in the year 2000, 2015, and the estimation of year 2030. In the year 2000, revenue from home broadband and online film/music were dwarfed by the sales of telephones, generating revenue of almost 250 million pound. That was approximately 6 times higher than the sales of home broadband of only around 40 million pounds. As the time went by, telephones' popularity started to slowly decrease, as well as its sales and revenue. In 2015, the highest revenue generated product was home broadband coming in at 200 million pounds which skyrocketed from the sales in the year 2000. Although trailing behind, online firm/music started to pick up its pace, with an increase of around 70 million pounds to the total of around 90 million. Future prediction for the year 2030 shows that the revenue from home broadband is still increasing, but at a slower rate compared to the increase from 2000 to 2015. In addition, it’s also expected that the sales of telephones continue to decrease at the same rate, going down from around 190 million in 2015 to just over 150 million pound. Lastly, consumers’ interest in online film/music are predicted to rise and to generate a revenue of 200 million pound. Overall, during these 30 years period, it can be concluded that home broadband and online film/music are gaining more and more consumers’ attention, while telephones are starting to lose its popularity as the time goes by.
The bar chart
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shows
the amount of
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sales
generated from home broadband,
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telephones
, and
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online
film/music, the 3 best-selling products sold by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Northcom
, in the
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year
2000, 2015, and the estimation of
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year
2030.

In the
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year
2000,
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revenue
from home broadband and
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online
film/music
were dwarfed
by the
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sales
of
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telephones
, generating
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revenue
of almost 250
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
. That was approximately 6 times higher than the
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sales
of home broadband of
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only
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around
40
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million
pounds.

As the time went by, telephones' popularity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
slowly
decrease,
as well
as its
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sales
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
. In 2015, the highest
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revenue
generated product was home broadband coming in at 200
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million
pounds which skyrocketed from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in the
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year
2000. Although trailing behind,
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online
firm/music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to pick up its pace, with an increase of
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around
70
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million
pounds to the total of
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around
90 million.

Future prediction for the
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year
2030
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
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revenue
from home broadband is
still
increasing,
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but
at a slower rate compared to the increase from 2000 to 2015.
In addition
, it’s
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
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telephones
continue to decrease at the same rate, going down from
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around
190
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million
in 2015 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
.
Lastly
, consumers’ interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
film/music
are predicted
to rise and to generate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
of 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
.

Overall
, during these 30 years period, it can
be concluded
that home broadband and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
film/music are gaining more and more consumers’ attention, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
are starting to lose its popularity as the time goes by.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the amount of sales generated from home broadband, telephones, and online film/music, the 3 best-selling products sold by Northcom, in the year 2000, 2015, and the estimation of year 2030.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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