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the amount of incidents and injures per 100 million passengers

the amount of incidents and injures per 100 million passengers xgLYy
The preceding data illustrates the amount of incidents and injures per 100 million passengers who traveled by transportation type in 2002. It is obvious from the chart that the number of injuries and incidents had increased in some vehicles more than the others. The commuter rail incidents were nearly equal to the injuries. On the Heavy rails, the Incidents were much more than the injuries. For the light rail, the incidents number was as equal the incidents in the buses about 40 to 42 million PMT. Although the injuries in the buses were more than the light rail one about 60 million PMT. The Demand Response was the largest number on the entire graph with about 165 million for the injuries and nearly 250 million for the incidents. Overall, both of the Incidents and the injures numbers were near to each in the commuter, heavy and light rail beside the bus. On the other hand, the demand response increased dramatically.
The preceding data illustrates the amount of
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incidents
and injures per 100
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million
passengers who traveled by transportation type in 2002. It is obvious from the chart that the
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number
of
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injuries
and
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incidents
had increased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vehicles more than the others.

The commuter
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rail
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incidents
were
nearly
equal to the
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injuries
. On the Heavy rails, the
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Incidents
were much more than the
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injuries
. For the light
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rail
, the
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incidents
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number
was as equal the
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incidents
in the buses about 40 to 42
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million
PMT.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
the
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injuries
in the buses were more than the light
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rail
one about 60
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million
PMT.

The Demand Response was the largest
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number
on the entire graph with about 165
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million
for the
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injuries
and
nearly
250
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million
for the incidents.

Overall
, both of the
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Incidents
and the injures
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numbers
were near to each in the commuter, heavy and light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rail
beside the bus.
On the other hand
, the demand response increased
dramatically
.

IELTS academic the amount of incidents and injures per 100 million passengers

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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