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the bar chart show the percentages of the Uk workforce in 5 mJOR

the bar chart show the percentages of the Uk workforce in 5 mJOR BgDqa
The supplied chart illustrates the proportion of the UK's workforce which was divided into five main industries in two years, 1841 and 2011. As can be seen from the chart, there was a downward trend in the given years except the percentage of UK workers in services and construction. As is presented in the bar chart, the percentage of employees working in agriculture/fishing and energy/ water was very few, just 1% employee for both industries in 2011. Although, in 1811, the figure was different, with 22% and 3% respectively. In addition, the percentage of the workforce in the manufacturing industry declined rapidly from 36% to 9% in 2011. turning next to the two industries which have an increasing percentage of staff. while construction reported a slight increase by 3% in 2011, the percentage of employees in services was rising significantly. with 33% in 1841 and more than twice the percentage, 81% in 2011.
The supplied chart illustrates the proportion of the UK's workforce which
was divided
into five main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in two years, 1841 and 2011. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, there was a downward trend in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years except the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of UK workers in services and construction.

As
is presented
in the bar chart, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of employees working in agriculture/fishing and energy/ water was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
1% employee for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
in 2011. Although, in 1811, the figure was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, with 22% and 3%
respectively
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of the workforce in the manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
declined
rapidly
from 36% to 9% in 2011.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
turning
next
to the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
which have an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of staff.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
construction reported a slight increase by 3% in 2011, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of employees in services was rising
significantly
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
33% in 1841 and more than twice the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
, 81% in 2011.
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IELTS academic the bar chart show the percentages of the Uk workforce in 5 mJOR

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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