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The graph below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5 to 14 who participated in organised cultural activities and sports in 2003 in Australia.

The graph below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5 to 14 who participated in organised cultural activities and sports in 2003 in Australia. 6LJ6j
The given bar charts illustrate the information about the proportion of Australian boys and girls who took part in four distinct cultural activities and sports in 2003. Overall, it is noticed that girls were more take part in all cultural activities than boys except play musical. Also, boys of Australia were the maximum in sports as compared to girls. At the first looking, in 2003, there were exactly 5% of girls aged 5 to 14 participated in drama and boys were roughly less than girls by mere 1% while the figure of singing same as the drama. The percentage of boys participated in dancing was around 2%, but girls were at a peak which was 25%. In addition, the boys were the maximum in play music and sports, which was 15% and 70% respectively. The percentage of girls were 5% less than boys in play music and around 50% of girls took part in sports.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar charts illustrate the information about the proportion of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
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girls
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in four distinct cultural activities and
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sports
in 2003.

Overall
, it
is noticed
that
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girls
were more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in all cultural activities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
except play musical.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
of Australia were the maximum in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as compared to girls.

At the
first
looking, in 2003, there were exactly 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
aged 5 to 14 participated in drama and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were roughly less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
by mere 1% while the figure of singing same as the drama. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
participated in dancing was around 2%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were at a peak which was 25%.

In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were the maximum in play music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, which was 15% and 70%
respectively
. The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were 5% less than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
in play music and around 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.

IELTS academic The graph below show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5 to 14 who participated in organised cultural activities and sports in 2003 in Australia.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
155 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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