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the bar chart show population aged 65 and above for three countries

the bar chart show population aged 65 and above for three countries 5aBLn
The bar chart illustrates, proportion population aged 65 and above of Canada, Germany and UK for 1980 and 2020, as well as gives prediction for 2030. Overall, all the three countries had percentage population trending upwards as the years kept moving forward. It is quite noticeable, Canada started with 10% population aged above 65, which was the least among given countries, in 2000, it jumped 50% of what it was in 1980 and had 15% total population above age 65, the uptrend continued as per the given prediction, in year 2030 it is predicted to jump more than 1/3rd of what it was in 2000 and end up with population around 22% aged above 65 in the year 2030. The surge continued for Germany and UK, but the growth rate was not as sharp as it was for Canada. In 1980, for UK, the percentage population above age 65 was marginally below 15% and it increased slightly to touch 15% in 2020. In the year 2030, the percentage of population above 65 peaked, for UK, with percentage slightly below 1/5th of population above 65.
The bar chart illustrates, proportion
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population
aged 65 and
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above
of Canada, Germany and UK for 1980 and 2020,
as well
as gives prediction for 2030.

Overall
, all the three countries had
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percentage
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population
trending upwards as the years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
moving forward.

It is quite noticeable, Canada
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started
with 10%
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population
aged
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above
65, which was the least among
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given
countries, in 2000, it jumped 50% of what it was in 1980 and had 15% total
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population
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above
age 65, the uptrend continued as per the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
prediction, in
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year
2030 it
is predicted
to jump more than 1/3rd of what it was in 2000 and
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end
up with
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population
around 22% aged
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above
65 in the
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year
2030.

The surge continued for Germany and UK,
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but
the growth rate was not as sharp as it was for Canada. In 1980, for UK, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
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above
age 65 was
marginally
below 15% and it increased
slightly
to touch 15% in 2020. In the
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year
2030, the
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percentage
of
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population
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above
65 peaked, for UK, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
slightly
below 1/5th of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
above
65.
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IELTS academic the bar chart show population aged 65 and above for three countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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