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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of three kind of visitors came to different places in Australia.

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of three kind of visitors came to different places in Australia. L3X96
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of three kind of visitors came to different places in Australia. Overall, cinema is the most popular place with the highest level of people who come to visit, followed by zoo and library7 As can be seen from the chart, cinema is considered as the most popular place in Australia, with 70% of citizens in Australia and approximately 65% of new migrants born in English-speaking countries. New migrants born in other countries also show interest in cinema, which has 50%. When it comes to theater, on the contrary, only 20% of people born in Australia went to this place. New migrants who was born in other countries have the least interest in theater, only 10% In contrast, library is the popular place for new migrants who was born in other countries, with approximately 55% of them visiting it. The percentages of residents in Australia and English-speaking also went to library regulary, with 40% and 38% respectively. Zoo was popular among English-speaking migrants (with 50%) and Australians (with 41%). About 37% of migrants from other countries visit this place.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'kind' seems to be countable, so consider using: "kinds".
kind
of visitors came to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in Australia.

Overall
, cinema is the most
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popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
with the highest level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit, followed by zoo and library7

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart, cinema
is considered
as the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in Australia, with 70% of citizens in Australia and approximately 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
born in English-speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
born in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in cinema, which has 50%. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to theater,
on the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
born in Australia went to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
who
was born
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have the least interest in theater,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10%

In contrast
, library is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
who
was born
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, with approximately 55% of them visiting it. The percentages of residents in Australia and English-speaking
also
went to library
Possible spelling mistake found.
regulary
, with 40% and 38%
respectively
. Zoo was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
among English-speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
(with 50%) and Australians (with 41%). About 37% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrants
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
visit this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the proportion of three kind of visitors came to different places in Australia.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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