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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of international and UK students achieving second class degrees or higher

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of international and UK students achieving second class degrees or higher 06wjq
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of international and UK students achieving second class degrees or higher in different majors of university in 2009. Both home and international students were strong in particular major. International students did better in Information technology. This was also true for Electrical engineering. In technology-related subjects, about 86 percent of international students gaining second class degree, whereas just nearly 60 percent of UK students who did so. In contrast, the number of UK students obtaining second class degrees or better was higher than the international students in English literature, Art history, International law and Sociology. Especially, the percentage of international students was lowest in International law with just over 40 percent. Besides, as many international students as UK students did well at Nursing and Accountancy. Three quarter of students took the degree in Nursing and 60 percent received in Accountancy. In conclusion, the chart demonstrates the strength of international and UK students when studying for degrees in university.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of
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international
and UK
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students
achieving second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
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degrees
or higher in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
majors of university in 2009.

Both home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were strong
in particular
major.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
did better in Information technology. This was
also
true for Electrical engineering. In technology-related subjects, about 86 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gaining second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
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degree
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
nearly
60 percent of UK
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students
who did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

In contrast
, the number of UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obtaining second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
or better was higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in English literature, Art history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
law and Sociology.
Especially
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was lowest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
law with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 40 percent.

Besides
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as UK
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students
did well at Nursing and Accountancy.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Three quarter
of
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students
took the
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degree
in Nursing and 60 percent received in Accountancy.

In conclusion
, the chart demonstrates the strength of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
and UK
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when studying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degrees
in university.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the proportion of international and UK students achieving second class degrees or higher

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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