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chart shows the information about oil consumption and resources

chart shows the information about oil consumption and resources BM7Nm
The chart depicts the information about the percentage of total world oil resources and oil consumption in different region. Overall, it is observed that, the maximum percentage of oil resources in Middle East and oil consumption in Asia. To start with, the greatest percentage of oil resources in middle east was about 56% and the second highest percentage of oil resources in Canada was about 14%. After this, Eastern Europe and Africa at approximately 6% and 7% respectively. At least proportion of oil resources in Australia and New Zealand with 3%. Moreover, oil consumption figures show that the maximum expenditure of oil in Australia and New Zealand with only 1%. Furthermore, United State was the second highest proportion of oil expenditure with account 25%. Central and South America and Eastern Europe were total proportion of oil consumption at almost 6% and 7% respectively.
The chart depicts the information about the
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percentage
of total world
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oil
resources and
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oil
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consumption
in
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different
region.

Overall
, it
is observed
that, the maximum
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percentage
of
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oil
resources
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Middle East".
in Middle East
and
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oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
in Asia.

To
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start
with, the greatest
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
resources in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
was about 56% and the second highest
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
resources in Canada was about 14%. After this, Eastern Europe and Africa at approximately 6% and 7%
respectively
. At least proportion of
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oil
resources in Australia and New Zealand with 3%.

Moreover
,
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oil
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consumption
figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the maximum expenditure of
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oil
in Australia and New Zealand with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1%.
Furthermore
, United State was the second highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
expenditure with account 25%. Central and South America and Eastern Europe were total proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
at almost 6% and 7%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic chart shows the information about oil consumption and resources

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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