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The bar chart illustrates the number of British males and females playing sport in an England town in 2012.

The bar chart illustrates the number of British males and females playing sport in an England town in 2012. ElKpB
The bar chart illustrates the number of British males and females playing sport in an England town in 2012. Overall, the most popular sport for boys was football, while swimming attracted more girl participants than boys. Additionally, hockey was the least popular sport for both genders. In terms of tennis, riding a bike and badminton, the number of males taking part in tennis reached the highest with 50 boys while the figure for girls was nearly 40 people Similarly, males continue leading in cycling among listed sports with approximately 40 people compared to girls only had 20 girls participants contributed By contrast, the girls were predominant in badminton with 40 people and for boys, it only occupied 30 people in total. while that of boys occupied 30 people in total. In terms of football, swimming, and riding a bike,  The highest number of boys who participated in football which accounts for 60 people was triple that of girls (20 participants) However, in swimming, girls participants in this sport were more than boys. Ịn particular, there are 50 girls participating in swimming, whereas the figure for boys was around 40 people. With regards to hockey - the least preferred playing sport for both genders in Britain, the number of male participants was nearly 20 people and for females were almost 10 people.
The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of British
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males
and females playing
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sport
in an England town in 2012.
Overall
, the most popular
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sport
for
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boys
was football, while swimming attracted more
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girl
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participants
than
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boys
.
Additionally
, hockey was the least popular
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sport
for both genders.

In terms of tennis, riding a bike and badminton, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
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males
taking part in tennis reached the highest with 50
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boys
while the figure for
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girls
was
nearly
40
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


Similarly
,
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males
continue leading in cycling among listed
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sports
with approximately 40
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people
compared to
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girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
had 20
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
contributed

By contrast, the
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girls
were predominant in badminton with 40
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people
and for
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boys
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
occupied 30
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people
in total.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
that of
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boys
occupied 30
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people
in total.

In terms of football, swimming, and riding a bike,  The highest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
who participated in football which accounts for 60
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people
was triple that of
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girls
(20 participants)

However
, in swimming,
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
in this
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sport
were more than
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boys
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ịn
particular, there are 50
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girls
participating in swimming, whereas the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
was around 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
hockey
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the least preferred playing
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sport
for both genders in Britain, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participants
was
nearly
20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and for females were almost 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates the number of British males and females playing sport in an England town in 2012.

Academic
  American English
7 paragraphs
221 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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