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The bar chart illustrates how many males and females have studied in full-time and part-time education

The bar chart illustrates how many males and females have studied in full-time and part-time education ndk0o
The bar chart illustrates how many males and females have studied in full-time and part-time education in the following years: 1970 to 1971, 1980 to 1981 and 1990 to 1991. It is clear that in all three time periods more people of both sexes were involved in part-time education than full-time. Overall the number of men in full-time education rose from approximatly 100 thousand to 200 thousand, whereas the number of men in part-time education was lower in the early nineties than twenty years earlier. As far as women are concerned, the numbers increased in both sectors of education. The number of part-time female students increased dramatically from 700 thousand to 1. 2 million in the twenty year period. The amount of women in full-time education went up more gradually from 100 thousand in 1971 to just over 200 thousand in 1991. This was similar the increase for full-time male students. To sum up, the number of women in both sectors increased significantly while it seems that the rate of men entering part-time education decreased a little and was fluctuating.
The bar chart illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
males and females have studied in full-time and part-time
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education
in the following years: 1970 to 1971, 1980 to 1981 and 1990 to 1991.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in all three time periods more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of both sexes
were involved
in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than full-time.
Overall
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rose from
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approximatly
100 thousand to 200 thousand, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was lower in the early nineties than twenty years earlier.

As far as women
are concerned
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
increased in both sectors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of part-time female students increased
dramatically
from 700 thousand to 1. 2 million in the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "twenty-year"
twenty year
period. The amount of women in full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
went up more
gradually
from 100 thousand in 1971 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 200 thousand in 1991. This was similar the increase for full-time male students.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women in both sectors increased
significantly
while it seems that the rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
entering part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
decreased a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
and was fluctuating.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrates how many males and females have studied in full-time and part-time education

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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