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The bar chart illustrate the information about the proportion of spare activities which linked between boys and girls who are in the age of 13 to 19 in Canada.

The bar chart illustrate the information about the proportion of spare activities which linked between boys and girls who are in the age of 13 to 19 in Canada. XDLXE
To begin with, according to chart in sports by boys are participants nearly one third. The highest ratio as compared girls. Girls are participant a minority. But, music have similar between girls and boys. It is highest proportion as compare computer game. Moreover, the highest proportion is shopping by boys. It is over a one third. But, girls are lowest ratio. It has nearly one in ten in computer games. Overall, according to chart, the highest proportion and favorite leisure activitie is shopping by boys and lowest ratio in shopping by girls in Canada.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, according to chart in sports by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
are participants
nearly
one third. The highest ratio as compared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Girls
are participant a minority.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, music have similar between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. It is
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion as compare computer game.
Moreover
, the highest proportion is shopping by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
. It is over a one third.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
ratio. It has
nearly
one in ten in computer games.
Overall
, according to chart, the highest proportion and favorite leisure
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitie
is shopping by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and lowest ratio in shopping by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in Canada.
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IELTS academic The bar chart illustrate the information about the proportion of spare activities which linked between boys and girls who are in the age of 13 to 19 in Canada.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
94 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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