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The bar chart gives information about the percentage of children’s favourite recreational activities in Australia. at the age 5 to 14.

The bar chart gives information about the percentage of children’s favourite recreational activities in Australia. at the age 5 to 14. GL3GQ
The bar chart gives information about the percentage of children’s favourite recreational activities in Australia. at the age 5 to 14. Overall, depending on gender, boys make more selections than most in three activities, however, the other activity has a higher number of choices from girls. On the other hand, if considering the difference between the activities of different genders, there is a similar trend between the two sexes. First of all, it is readily apparent that there are three activities including skateboarding or rollerblading, bike riding and electronic or computer games that get the boy's percentage 10 to 20 percent higher. Meanwhile, only in art and craft activities, girls are about 20 percent taller than boys. Secondly, even so, the difference in activity participation between the sexes shares a common trend toward a greater focus on watching TV or videos, and less on skateboarding and rollerblading. Clearly, in the first above percentage, both gain the same value at 100 percent, and just in the range of over 20 and under percent for the second one.
The bar chart gives information about the percentage of children’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in Australia.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
the age 5 to 14.

Overall
, depending on gender, boys
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more selections than most in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
however
, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
has a higher number of choices from girls.
On the other hand
, if considering the difference between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
genders, there is a similar trend between the two sexes.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
readily
apparent that there are three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
including skateboarding or rollerblading, bike riding and electronic or computer games that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the boy's percentage 10 to 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
higher. Meanwhile,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in art and craft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, girls are about 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
taller than boys.

Secondly
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
participation between the sexes shares a common trend toward a greater focus on watching TV or videos, and less on skateboarding and rollerblading.
Clearly
, in the
first
above percentage, both gain the same value at 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in the range of over 20 and under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for the second one.
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IELTS academic The bar chart gives information about the percentage of children’s favourite recreational activities in Australia. at the age 5 to 14.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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