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The bar chart give information the use of the Tobacco product by secondary school students in the united state

The bar chart give information the use of the Tobacco product by secondary school students in the united state BYAba
Looking at the bar graph in more detail it is clear that the majority of high school students used any kind of tobacco products, that is 35%. Whereas, around 12 percentage students of middle school use this product. After that, there is a about 27% of high school students who consume cigarettes and it is far more then middle school students, approximately 80%. Moving further, about 15% educators of high school used cigars and it is doubled from middle school pupils. Afterward, smokeless students of high school is 6% and it is almost half in the case of middle education place. Lastly below 5% of secondary school students used pipes, Kreteks and bidis.
Looking at the bar graph in more detail it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the majority of
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high
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school
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students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
any kind of tobacco products,
that is
35%. Whereas, around 12 percentage
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students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this product. After that, there is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
about 27% of
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high
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who consume cigarettes and it is far more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
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middle
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school
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students
, approximately 80%.

Moving
further
, about 15% educators of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
cigars and it
is doubled
from
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middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils. Afterward, smokeless
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students
of
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is 6% and it is almost half in the case of
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middle
education place.
Lastly
below 5% of secondary
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
pipes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kreteks
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bidis
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart give information the use of the Tobacco product by secondary school students in the united state

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
113 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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