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The bar chart demonstrate different games sold my companies

The bar chart demonstrate different games sold my companies oxMAK
The bar chart provides the information about the varieties of digital games sales worldwide from the time period of 2000 to 2006. Overall, handheld games seems to had highest sales in the world. whereas, all the digital games shows upward trend except console game. To embark upon, in 2000 sales for consolygame and portable games was near about 6 billion dollars and 11 billion dollars respectively. However, in the next six month sales data for handheld games showed the upward trend and rise upto 18 billion dollars. In contrast sales revenue for console games bottom out less than the 3 billion dollars.
The bar chart provides the information about the varieties of digital
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games
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sales
worldwide from the time period of 2000 to 2006.

Overall
, handheld
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games
seems to had
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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sales
in the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, all the digital
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
upward trend except console game. To embark upon, in 2000
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sales
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
consolygame
and portable
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games
was near about 6
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billion
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dollars
and 11
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billion
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dollars
respectively
.
However
, in the
next
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "six-month"
six month
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sales
data for handheld
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the upward trend and rise
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
18
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
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sales
revenue for console
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bottom out less than the 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
.

IELTS academic The bar chart demonstrate different games sold my companies

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
102 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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