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charts show how electricity is used in a average Japanese home during a typical day in winter and summer.

charts show how electricity is used in a average Japanese home during a typical day in winter and summer. 8LmWl
The rendered graph reveals the information about electricity usage on a particular day in summer and winter in an average Japanese home. At a fleeting glance, it is clear that in winters maximum electricity usage of 45% was for heating rooms and water while this value was 5% for summer. A difference of 10% was noted in power consumption by Lighting, TV, Radio and PC for both the seasons, but the value was maximum 35% for the warm season. Moving further to Desert Cooler, AC, Fans used 2% and 30% electricity in winter and summers respectively. Beside this, a big share of 28% had been used by kitchen and other household gadgets in summer and this value is slightly 2% less than used in winters. Overall, maximum electricity power was consumed in heating rooms and for water purpose while in summer lighting and other purposes.
The rendered graph reveals the information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
usage on a particular day in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
and winter in an average Japanese home.

At a fleeting glance, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in winters maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
usage of 45% was for heating rooms and water while this value was 5% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
. A difference of 10%
was noted
in power consumption by Lighting, TV, Radio and PC for both the seasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the value was maximum 35% for the warm season.

Moving
further
to Desert Cooler, AC, Fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
2% and 30%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in winter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summers
respectively
. Beside this, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
share of 28% had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by kitchen and other household gadgets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
and this value is
slightly
2% less than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in winters.

Overall
, maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
power
was consumed
in heating rooms and for water purpose while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
summer
lighting and other purposes.
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IELTS academic charts show how electricity is used in a average Japanese home during a typical day in winter and summer.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
145 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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