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The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance

The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance J0kGE
The bar chart illustrates the results of a survey which was conducted by a company and gives data on the important factors that determine the work performance of employees. Overall, the percentages of chance for personal development, relaxed working environment, opportunities for promotion and salary are the main motivating factors for young people for their work performance while aged people’s work performance is affected by the factors like money, competent boss and team spirit. The proportion of chance for personal development from 18 to 30 years old is highest (around 90%), while the percentage of people aged 45 to 60 being at about 40%. Meanwhile, there are 60% and 30% of people 18-to-30-year-olds and 45-to-60-year-olds in the proportions of term spirit and work environment. Notably, the percentage of relaxed working environment’s work for people aged 45 to 60 stands at 30%, which is much lower than the data for promotion prospects (nearly 50%) and the figure for money (roughly 70%). whereas, the statistic for relaxed working environment of the young people between 18 and 30 years old reach 81%, compared to the those of promotion prospects (around 80%) and money (about 75%). By contrast, the percentages of workers affecting competent boss and job satisfaction from 18 to 30 years old being at 56%, whilst the data for job security is lower (approximately 44%), which is equal the statistic for respect from colleagues. In comparison with the proportion of competent boss’s work for people aged 45 to 60 being at 55%, which is higher than the figures for job security, respect from colleagues and job satisfaction at roughly 22%, 45% and 46% respectively
The bar chart illustrates the results of a survey which
was conducted
by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and gives data on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors that determine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance of employees.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of chance for personal development, relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, opportunities for promotion and salary are the main motivating factors for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
performance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the factors like money, competent boss and team spirit.

The proportion of chance for personal development from 18 to 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is highest (around 90%), while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
45 to 60 being at about 40%. Meanwhile, there are 60% and 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
18-to-30-year-olds and 45-to-60-year-olds in the proportions of term spirit and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Notably
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
45 to 60 stands at 30%, which is much lower than the data for promotion prospects (
nearly
50%) and the figure for money (roughly 70%).
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, the statistic for relaxed working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between 18 and 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
reach 81%, compared to the those of promotion prospects (around 80%) and money (about 75%).

By contrast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of workers affecting competent boss and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction from 18 to 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
being at 56%, whilst the data for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security is lower (approximately 44%), which is equal the statistic for respect from colleagues.
In comparison
with the proportion of competent boss’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
45 to 60 being at 55%, which is higher than the figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security, respect from colleagues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction at roughly 22%, 45% and 46%
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
respectively

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the results of a survey and shows factors affecting work performance

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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