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The bar chart below shows the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 in Australia in who participate in various activities

The bar chart below shows the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 in Australia in who participate in various activities q5oyE
The bar graph depicts the information regarding the proportion of boys and girls who take part in five different activities during a fortnight in Australia. Overall, it can be clearly seen that watching television is the most popular activity among boys and girls. Whereas the least popular is art and crafts. Looking at the first chart, watching television is remained same in both gender with90℅. This is followed by playing electronic games and computers. The boys accounted for 80℅ and 70℅ girls. Noticeably, there is a significant difference between the percentage of boys and girls for cycling and skateboarding activities. The former standing with 60℅ and 40℅ boys. In contrast, the latter were less interested by boys and girls, approximately 40 ℅ and 20℅ respectively. As far as arts and crafts is concerned, girls are eagerly to take part in this activities 50 ℅ as opposed to boys contributed almost 31℅.
The bar graph depicts the information regarding the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during a fortnight in Australia.

Overall
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that watching television is the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
. Whereas the least popular is art and crafts.

Looking at the
first
chart, watching television
is remained
same in both gender with90℅. This
is followed
by playing electronic games and computers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
accounted for 80℅ and 70℅
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
Noticeably
, there is a significant difference between the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
for cycling and skateboarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The former standing with 60℅ and 40℅
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
.
In contrast
, the latter were less
In English, people don't say "interested by'. They say, "interested in'. Did you mean "interested in"?
interested by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, approximately 40 ℅ and 20℅
respectively
.

As far as arts and crafts
is concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
are
eagerly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
50 ℅ as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
contributed almost 31℅.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 in Australia in who participate in various activities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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