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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular exercise activity in 2010

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of the Australian males and females of various age groups who involved in daily exercise in the year 2010. Overall, the highest number of people who did physical activity in Australia are women compared to men irrespective of how old they were. Younger males and middle-aged females did approximately equal percentage of exercise daily. Firstly, women between the ages 25 to 54 doing activities raised significantly with their age, whereas, men's percentage decreased from 52. 8 to 39. 5 between people who are 15 and 44 years of age. Males focus less on exercises past their adult life because they focus more on studies and jobs. Finally, the combined percentage of both males and females at the age above 65 are approximately equal. Women's graph increased over the age from 47. 7% to 53% and men's graph inclined slightly from middle age to old age.
The bar chart illustrates the
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percentage
of the Australian
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males
and females of various
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age
groups who involved in daily exercise in the year 2010.

Overall
, the highest number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who did physical activity in Australia are women compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
irrespective of how
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old
they were. Younger
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males
and middle-aged females did approximately equal
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percentage
of exercise daily.

Firstly
, women between the
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ages
25 to 54 doing activities raised
significantly
with their
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age
, whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's
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percentage
decreased from 52. 8 to 39. 5 between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are 15 and 44 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
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Males
focus less on exercises past their adult life
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because
they focus more on studies and jobs.

Finally
, the combined
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percentage
of both
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males
and females at the
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age
above 65 are approximately equal. Women's graph increased over the
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age
from 47. 7% to 53% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's graph inclined
slightly
from middle
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age
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular exercise activity in 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
151 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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