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The charts below show the percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. Theses nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The diagram illustrate regular intake of several nutrients on a daily basis consumed by average population in USA which might be not healthy is taken in large quantity. In the figure the total intake of sodium and saturated fat (respectively 43% and 37%) in dinner is higher than the other meals. While in case of added sugar, snacks contains the larger amount 42%, dinner 23%, lunch 19%, breakfast 16%. Second highest meal is lunch which contains higher nutrients. Also, as per the research these nutrients are not good for one's health if consumed in larger amount.
The diagram
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “illustrates”.
illustrate
regular intake of several nutrients on a daily basis consumed by average population
A determiner is probably missing here: “in the USA”.
in USA
which might be not healthy
is taken
in large quantity. In the figure the total intake of sodium and saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
(
respectively
43% and 37%) in dinner is higher than the other meals. While in case of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar, snacks contains the larger amount 42%, dinner 23%, lunch 19%, breakfast 16%. Second highest meal is lunch which contains higher nutrients.
Also
, as per the research these nutrients are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for one's health if consumed in larger amount.
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IELTS academic The charts below show the percentage of their daily intake of various nutrients the average person in the USA consumes in each meal and in snacks. Theses nutrients may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
96 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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