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The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and makes comparisons where relevant v.2

The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country
The given bar chart depicts the number of miles travelled annually for six various purpose by both genders. Overall, men travelled more than women in total distance. Work was the principle purpose of travelling for men, while women interested in shopping. About 35000 miles were travelled by men for work, which was more compare to 30000 miles covered by women. By contrast, day trip was the least popular reason to travel among both genders, which made up 10000 miles for men and around 7000 miles for women. In comparison with day trip, Entertainment was a little popular. Men travelled additional more than the figure for men in day trip whereas its number for women was nearly 12000 miles. On the flip side, shopping was the most popular reason for travelling with amount of women traveller for work (30000 miles), followed by men at approximately 28000 miles. Women traveller for meeting friends and taking children to school for women were almost same at 26000 miles. However, men travelled for same reasons accounted for just under 25000 miles and around 23000 miles respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart depicts the number of miles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
annually
for six various purpose by both genders.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in total distance. Work was the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
purpose of travelling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
interested in shopping.

About
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
35000 miles
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for work, which was more compare to
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30000 miles
covered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. By contrast, day trip was the least popular reason to travel among both genders, which made up
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
10000 miles
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
7000 miles
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
In comparison
with day trip, Entertainment was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
popular.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
additional more than the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in day trip whereas its number for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
was
nearly
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
12000 miles
.

On the flip side, shopping was the most popular reason for travelling with amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
for work (
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30000 miles
), followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
at approximately
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
28000 miles
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
for meeting friends and taking children to school for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were almost same at
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
26000 miles
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelled
for same reasons accounted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
25000 miles
and around
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
23000 miles
respectively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the number of miles travelled in a year by men and women for six different purposes in a particular country

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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