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the bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major

the bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major pRL09
The bar chart illustrates the information regarding spend money on different five selected categories such as food, housing, transportation, health care and clothing in four countries in 2009. Overall, as evident from the graph, housing was the most significant category where all nations spent more money while least was noticed in health care and clothing. The majority of countries utilized maximum money on housing except japan which witnessed highest expenditure on food. With regards United State, more than 25 % money spend on home while this figure showed declining trend of expenditure in other categories. Likewise, japan invested more money on food purposes which was around 23% and merely 1% less on housing. Whereas least expenditure on health care which was below 5%. Moving further, the investing on transportation experienced maximum among Canadian to 20% while 10% utilitzed money by japanese. Moving regard to health care and clothing which experienced declining trend of spending by all nations. As United State witnessed roughly 8% investment while mere 2% United kingdom. However, Canadian and japanese spent money similar nearly 4%. Likewise, clothing showed expenditure more than 5% among Canada and United Kingdom. Whereas below 5 % investment by united state and japan.
The bar chart illustrates the information
Probably a preposition is missing after 'regarding'.
regarding spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
five selected categories such as food, housing, transportation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and clothing in four countries in 2009.
Overall
, as evident from the graph, housing was the most significant category where all nations spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
while least
was noticed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and clothing. The majority of countries utilized maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on housing except japan which witnessed highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on food. With regards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
State, more than 25 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spend on home while this figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
declining trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in other categories.
Likewise
, japan invested more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on food purposes which was around 23% and
merely
1% less on housing.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
which was below 5%. Moving
further
, the investing on transportation experienced maximum among Canadian to 20% while 10%
Possible spelling mistake found.
utilitzed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
japanese
. Moving regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and clothing which experienced declining trend of spending by all nations. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
State witnessed roughly 8% investment while mere 2%
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
.
However
, Canadian and
Possible spelling mistake found.
japanese
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
similar
nearly
4%.
Likewise
, clothing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
more than 5% among Canada and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
Kingdom. Whereas below 5 % investment by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
united
state and japan.
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IELTS academic the bar chart below shows shares of expenditures for five major

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
200 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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