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The bar chart below shows information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK unversity between 2010 and 2012

The bar chart below shows information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK unversity between 2010 and 2012 WPlD
The bar chart illustrates information about the number of two genders of students who studying Computer Science in the university of United Kingdom from 2010and 2012. Units are measured by numbers. Overall, as it is observed that the highest figure belonged to men who study in Great Britain as a home student and the lowest point was women who study as an international student. Firstly, it can be clearly obvious from the illustrations that the number of British home students joint twice as many male as female in 2010, while in the year of 2011 the indication of British home students and international students had nearly the same point (25). Secondly, in the end of given year female students who studied abroad had lower indication than male (38 and 45). The figure of women students who continued their stdies foreign country observed an increase and picked 20
The bar chart illustrates information about the number of two genders of
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students
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who
studying Computer Science in the university
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the United Kingdom".
of United Kingdom
from 2010and 2012. Units
are measured
by numbers.

Overall
, as it
is observed
that the highest figure belonged to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study in Great Britain as a home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and the lowest point was women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
study as an international student.

Firstly
, it can be
clearly
obvious from the illustrations that the number of British home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
joint twice as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
male as female in 2010, while in the year of 2011 the indication of British home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
had
nearly
the same point (25).

Secondly
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
studied abroad had lower indication than male (38 and 45). The figure of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
continued their
Possible spelling mistake found.
stdies
foreign country observed an increase and picked 20

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK unversity between 2010 and 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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