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the bar chart and and pie chart.

the bar chart and and pie chart. jDPw8
the bar chart compares the number of males and females who took four different evening classes in 2009, and pie chart shows the age profile of these attendees. It is clear that significantly more women than men attended evening classes at the education centre. We can also see that evening were much more popular among older adults. According to the bar chart, drama, painting and language courses all attracted more women than men to the education centre in 2009. Language classes had the highest number of participants overall, with 40 female and 20 male students, while painting was a popular choice among both genders, attracting 30 female and 25 male attendees. The only course was taken by a mere 15 people in total. looking at the age profile pie chart, we can see that the majority of people attending evening lessons were over 40 years of age. To be precise, 42% of them were aged 50 or more, and 26% were aged between 40 and 49. Younger adults were in the minority, with only 11% of students aged 20 to 29, and only 5% aged under 20.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar
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chart
compares the number of males and females who took four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
evening classes in 2009, and pie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the age profile of these attendees.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
significantly
more women than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
attended evening classes at the education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. We can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that evening were much more popular among older adults.

According to the bar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
, drama, painting and language courses all attracted more women than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to the education
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in 2009. Language classes had the highest number of participants
overall
, with 40 female and 20 male students, while painting was a popular choice among both genders, attracting 30 female and 25 male attendees. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
course
was taken
by a mere 15
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in total.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
looking
at the age profile pie
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chart
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
attending evening lessons were over 40 years of age. To be precise, 42% of them were
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aged
50 or more, and 26% were
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aged
between 40 and 49. Younger adults were in the minority, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11% of students
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aged
20 to 29, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
under 20.
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IELTS academic the bar chart and and pie chart.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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