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The bar chart about device

The bar chart about device PRXlg
The bar chart demonstrates the proportion of purchases mobile devices compared to computers and also a information of all online shoppers by age range, from 2018 to 2023. In 2018, the proportion of purchase smartphone was about 1 out of 20. Between 2019 and 2022, we can see the trend have rapidly increased from 13% to 73%. In 2023, there was over four-fifth. Meanwhile, the number of computer purchase in 2018 was approximately 95%. Between 2019 and 2022, the trend have decreased. In 2023, there was under one-fifth. Overall, In 2018 to 2021, we can see the number of online shoppers in under 18 years old have upward trend, whereas the trend in 2023 has fell. The 18-40 ages group has decreased and continue to go down. On the other hand, online shoppers who are over 40 years old. The trend has increased between 2018 to 2023. Finally, It is clear that the proportion of buy smartphone has upward trend, however the proportion of buy computer has decreased. The information of online shoppers, the number of 18-40 years old group has declined but over 40 years old group has grown.
The bar chart demonstrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
mobile devices compared to computers and
also
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
information of all
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
by age range, from 2018 to 2023.

In 2018, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
smartphone was about 1 out of 20. Between 2019 and 2022, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
have
rapidly
increased from 13% to 73%. In 2023, there was over four-fifth. Meanwhile, the number of computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
in 2018 was approximately 95%. Between 2019 and 2022, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
have decreased. In 2023, there was under one-fifth.

Overall
, In 2018 to 2021, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
in under 18 years
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old
have upward
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "trended".
trend
, whereas the
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trend
in 2023 has
Use the past participle "fallen", "felled" after the modal (auxiliary) verb 'has'.
fell
. The 18-40 ages group has decreased and continue to go down.
On the other hand
,
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online
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shoppers
who are over 40 years
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old
. The
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trend
has increased
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2018 and 2023".
between 2018 to 2023
.

Finally
, It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
smartphone has upward
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "trended".
trend
,
however
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
computer has decreased. The information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shoppers
, the number of 18-40 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
group has declined
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over 40 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
group


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
has
grown.
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IELTS academic The bar chart about device

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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