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The bar char shows percentage of oldage population in three different countries.

The bar char shows percentage of oldage population in three different countries. wnklr
The bar chart elucidates data on the changes in the proportion of the elderly population, above 65 years of age, in three different nations with three individual time slot. At a cursory glance, it is apparent that even though Germany may have the highest percentage of the elderly, the fastest growth can be seen in Canada. The same pattern is expected to continue even in 2030 as well. In 1980, Canada had approximately 10% of its population was those who aged above 65 whereas in the Uk, the group accounted about just under 15% of total citizens. The former experienced a sharp surge and increased by 5% in 2000. The predication for year 2030 is that the old population will reach above one-fifth of the total population. Meanwhile, by 2000, the UK had grown gradually to just 15%, it is anticipated that they will have nearly 20% of older generation after 30 years of timeframe. Germany’s initial figure was 15%, which rising to 20% in 20 years of time and it is forecasted that the proportion could be reached to 25% in 2030.
The bar chart elucidates data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the proportion of the elderly population, above 65 years of age, in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations with three individual time
Possible agreement error. The noun 'slot' seems to be countable, so consider using: "slots".
slot
.

At a cursory glance, it is apparent that
even though
Germany may have the highest percentage of the elderly, the fastest growth can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Canada. The same pattern is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to continue even in 2030
as well
.

In 1980, Canada had approximately 10% of its population was those who aged above 65 whereas in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
, the group accounted about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 15% of total citizens. The former experienced a sharp surge and increased by 5% in 2000. The predication for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2030 is that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
population will reach above one-fifth of the total population.

Meanwhile, by 2000, the UK had grown
gradually
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
15%, it
is anticipated
that they will have
nearly
20% of older generation after 30 years of timeframe. Germany’s initial figure was 15%, which rising to 20% in 20 years of time and it
is forecasted
that the proportion could
be reached
to 25% in 2030.
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IELTS academic The bar char shows percentage of oldage population in three different countries.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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