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destination of holiday makers from indonesia

destination of holiday makers from indonesia leOE1
The following bar graph represents the six different holiday destinations for Indonesian people. Overall, we can see that some land was the most popular destination for Indonesian voyagers whereas Pakistan and Srilanka was the least popular destination. Generally speaking, Someland experienced the highest number of travelers from Indonesia contributed to 100 thousand, and became the top of the chart. Both Japan and Australia closely followed the someland accounted 80 thousand and 70 thousand respectively. Furthermore, the significant difference between these two destination was only 10 thousand people. Similarly, Korea was by far lower than Australia accounted 60 thousand voyagers. On the other hand, Sri Lanka welcomed almost 50 thousand trippers which were doubled of the someland on the contrary of Pakistan observed the lowest number of voyagers invited nearly 35 thousand which was slightly less than Pakistan.
The following bar graph represents the six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
holiday destinations for Indonesian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
land was the most popular destination for Indonesian voyagers whereas Pakistan and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Srilanka
was the least popular destination.

Generally
speaking,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
experienced the highest number of travelers from Indonesia contributed to 100 thousand, and became the top of the chart. Both Japan and Australia
closely
followed the
Possible spelling mistake found.
someland
accounted 80 thousand and 70 thousand
respectively
.
Furthermore
, the significant difference between these two destination was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Similarly
, Korea was by far lower than Australia accounted 60 thousand voyagers.
On the other hand
, Sri Lanka welcomed almost 50 thousand trippers which
were doubled
of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
someland
on the contrary
of Pakistan observed the lowest number of voyagers invited
nearly
35 thousand which was
slightly
less than Pakistan.
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IELTS academic destination of holiday makers from indonesia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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