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The amount of time that teenager spent

The amount of time that teenager spent EdlxB
The bar chart illustrates the times which was used by teenagers in each activities for 7 years from 2002 to 2007. Overall, it can be seen that most teenagers spent the time watching television in every year, especially 2007 which was the highest. On the other hand, bowling was considered to be the lowest. Teenagers spent 25 hours on watching television which increased to almost 40 hours in the final year. Additionally, teenagers spent times going to pubs and disco over 15 hours in 2007, and the time spent by shopping rose steadily from 2002 to 2007. While teenagers occupied 10 hours doing their homework. This figure dropped throughout the period. Playing sports fell more dramatically from 10 hours to 3 hours in 6 years. Watching DVDs increased constantly in first three years and went down from 2005 to 2006. Finally, the number of hours teenagers dedicated for play bowling was under 5 hours for 5 years in a row.
The bar chart illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "activity"?
activities
for 7 years from 2002 to 2007.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
especially
2007 which was the highest.
On the other hand
, bowling
was considered
to be the lowest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
on watching television which increased to almost 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
going to pubs and disco over 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 2007, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by shopping rose
steadily
from 2002 to 2007.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
occupied 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
doing their homework. This figure dropped throughout the period. Playing sports fell more
dramatically
from 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in 6 years. Watching DVDs increased
constantly
in
first
three years and went down from 2005 to 2006.
Finally
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
dedicated for
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go bowling".
play bowling
was under 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for 5 years in a row.
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IELTS academic The amount of time that teenager spent

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
160 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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