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Total sale of 3 different method in that period

Total sale of 3 different method in that period Jql7a
The given line chart shows the proportion of the total music sold in 3 different ways from 2011 to 2018. Overall, there was a significant rise in the percentage of streams purchased, whereas the proportion of CDs purchased and downloads decreased over the period shown. In 2011, CDs had the biggest percentage out of 3 methods, taking up about 55%, in comparison with 5% of streams and about a third of downloads. In the next 4 years, there was a downward trend in the proportion of CDs, while the figure for streams increased by about 10%. Also, downloads rose gradually, overtaking CDs in 2013 and constituted over 40% in 2014. From 2014 onward, there was a progressive decline in the sales of downloads, ending up making up 30% in 2018. During the same time, the proportion of streams had an impressive rise, from about 15% in 2014 to above 40% in 2018, after overtaking CDs and downloads in 2016 and 2017. On the other hand, the percentage of CDs dropped steadily to a quarter at the end of the period
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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proportion
of the total music sold in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, there was a significant rise in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
, whereas the
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proportion
of
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CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
decreased over the period shown.

In 2011,
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CDs
had the biggest percentage out of 3 methods, taking up about 55%,
in comparison
with 5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
and about a third of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
. In the
next
4 years, there was a downward trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
, while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
increased by about 10%.
Also
,
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downloads
rose
gradually
, overtaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
in 2013 and constituted over 40% in 2014.

From 2014 onward, there was a progressive decline in the sales of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
, ending
Adverb repetition. Please, verify.
up making up
30% in 2018. During the same time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
had an impressive rise, from about 15% in 2014 to above 40% in 2018, after overtaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
downloads
in 2016 and 2017.
On the other hand
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
dropped
steadily
to a quarter at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
period
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IELTS academic Total sale of 3 different method in that period

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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