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the percentage of people riding a bike in genders and different age groups

the percentage of people riding a bike in genders and different age groups Mympe
The table gave information about the proportion of residents in one town who cycled in 2011, divided into 2 genders and 5 age groups. Generally, children under 9 years old used bicycles the most, while middle-aged people were the least likely to ride a bike. Besides, the percentage of females cycled was higher than males across all ages. The 0-9 old age made up the most percentage of cyclists, with 52% for females and merely a tiny less for males. However, in the 10-17 group, the number of boys cycled was a quarter, while the figure for girls was 17% higher. This pattern continued with the 20-39 age group, with 10, 8% of males riding a bike compared to 18, 2% of females. The differences were less in middle aged people (40-59), with 9, 3% men and 13, 7% women. Finally, the over 60s had more cyclists than the previous 2 groups, with 14, 6% and 19, 8% respectively for males and females.
The table gave information about the proportion of residents in one town who cycled in 2011, divided into 2 genders and 5 age groups.

Generally
, children under 9 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
bicycles the most, while middle-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were the least likely to ride a bike.
Besides
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
cycled was higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
across all ages.

The 0-9
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age made up the most percentage of cyclists, with 52% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
merely
a tiny less for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
However
, in the 10-17 group, the number of boys cycled was a quarter, while the figure for girls was 17% higher.

This pattern continued with the 20-39 age group, with 10, 8% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
riding a bike compared to 18, 2% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. The differences were less in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
(40-59), with 9, 3%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and 13, 7% women.
Finally
, the over 60s had more cyclists than the previous 2 groups, with 14, 6% and 19, 8%
respectively
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
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IELTS academic the percentage of people riding a bike in genders and different age groups

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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