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the total oil use from 2009 to 2030

the total oil use from 2009 to 2030 Do6yE
The line graph compares the amount of oil consumption every day in 4 distinct users between 2009 and 2030. Generally speaking, it is likely that the US, WE/J will be witnessed a downward trend in the quantity of oil use, the opposite will be true for the others during this time frame. Moreover, the amount of oil consumption in the US is predicted to be higher than that in other countries. In 2009, the amount of oil consumption in the US dwarfed that in WE/J, at about 10 million and nearly 4 million respectively. The figures for China and ME intersected at less than 2 million. Meanwhile, oil use in the US witnessed a little fluctuation during the first 6 years and the data of WE/J and China were equal at above 3 million each in 2015. In addition, ME remained at bottom of the list, with about 2 million. In contrast, different trends can be seen in the data of other regions by 2030. The figures for the US and WE/J are expected to see a downward trend, with respective datas being about 3, 5 million and over 2 million. On the other hand, an experienced growth to less than 4 million is witnessed in China, followed by ME at about 3 million.
The line graph compares the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
consumption every day in 4 distinct users between 2009 and 2030.

Generally
speaking, it is likely that the US, WE/J will
be witnessed
a downward trend in the quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, the opposite will be true for the others during this time frame.
Moreover
, the amount of
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oil
consumption in the US
is predicted
to be higher than that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

In 2009, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
consumption in the US dwarfed that in WE/J, at about 10
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million
and
nearly
4
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million
respectively
. The figures for China and ME intersected at less than 2
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million
. Meanwhile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in the US witnessed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fluctuation during the
first
6 years and the data of WE/J and China were equal at above 3
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million
each in 2015.
In addition
, ME remained at bottom of the list, with about 2 million.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trends can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the data of
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other
regions by 2030. The figures for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
US and
WE/J are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a downward trend, with respective
Possible spelling mistake found.
datas
being about 3, 5
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million
and over 2
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million
. On the
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other
hand, an experienced growth to less than 4
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million
is witnessed
in China, followed by ME at about 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
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IELTS academic the total oil use from 2009 to 2030

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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