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How bees produce honey using different processes

How bees produce honey using different processes eRpjV
The given diagram illustrates how bees work to produce honey from the flowers. The process starts from the hive where thousands of bees reside and follow the queen. The worker bees travel far from the hives to collect the nectar( sweet liquid produced by flowers/plants) from the flowers. They suck the nectar through their beak and travel back to the hive. Now the hive contains numerous numbers of small hexagonal shaped cells where the nectar gets stored. The bees pour back the sweet nectar into the cells. The nectar is still hot to be completely eaten. So the bees, with the help of their wings blow air from the upper surface thus eliminating the hotness from the liquid. The nectar still contains some amount of water in it which is evaporated by the sun's heat. At the end, when all this process is completed, the cells contain rich and healthy liquid substance which we call as honey.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrates how bees work to produce honey from the flowers. The process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
from the hive where thousands of bees reside and follow the queen.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
worker bees travel far from the hives to collect the nectar
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
sweet liquid produced by flowers/plants) from the flowers. They suck the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
through their beak and travel back to the hive.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the hive contains numerous numbers of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
hexagonal shaped cells where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
stored. The bees pour back the sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
into the cells. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
is
still
hot to be completely eaten.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the bees, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of their wings blow air from the upper surface
thus
eliminating the hotness from the liquid. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nectar
still
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of water in it which
is evaporated
by the sun's heat. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, when all this process
is completed
, the cells contain rich and healthy liquid substance which we call as honey.
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IELTS academic How bees produce honey using different processes

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
157 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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