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the ages of people employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020.

the ages of people employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020. MrlNL
The pie charts illustrate the ages of people employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020. Looking at the pie charts, it is evident that while the percentage of employees at the age of 21-30 and 41-50 significantly increased, the employment rate of the other age groups had a downward trend. Overall the age of 21 to 30 was the most common age group of people working in public sectors. To begin with, the percentage of employees at the age of 21-30 was accounted for 23% in 2015, however, this percentage reach the highest point of 33%, making it the most common age group of people working in public sectors. On the contrary, the percentage of employees at the age of 31-40 plummeted significantly from 21% in 2015 to just 11% by 2020, which represented a substantial drop of more than 50% in relative terms. Similarly, the percentage of employees at the age of 41-50 climbed from 19% in 2015 to 28% by 2020. During the same ten year period, other age groups saw quite significant falls in employment. The percentage of employees at the age of under 21 had dropped slightly from 14% in 2015 to 12% by 2020. The percentage of employees at the age of 31-40 plummeted significantly from 21% in 2015 to just 11% by 2020, which represented a substantial drop of more than 50% in relative terms. Likewise, the percentage of employees at the age of over 50s declined, though not by quite so much, standing at 23% in 2015 and 16% in 2020.
The pie charts illustrate the
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ages
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020.

Looking at the pie charts, it is evident that while the
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percentage
of
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employees
at the
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age
of 21-30 and 41-50
significantly
increased, the employment rate of the other
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age
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groups
had a downward trend.
Overall
the
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age
of 21 to 30 was the most common
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age
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group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in public sectors.

To
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begin
with, the
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percentage
of
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employees
at the
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age
of 21-30
was accounted
for 23% in 2015,
however
, this
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percentage
reach the highest point of 33%, making it the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in public sectors.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
at the
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age
of 31-40 plummeted
significantly
from 21% in 2015 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
11% by 2020, which represented a substantial drop of more than 50% in relative terms.
Similarly
, the
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percentage
of
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employees
at the
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age
of 41-50 climbed from 19% in 2015 to 28% by 2020.

During the same
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "ten-year"
ten year
period, other
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age
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groups
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saw
quite significant falls in employment. The
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percentage
of
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employees
at the
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age
of under 21 had dropped
slightly
from 14% in 2015 to 12% by 2020. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 31-40 plummeted
significantly
from 21% in 2015 to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
11% by 2020, which represented a substantial drop of more than 50% in relative terms.
Likewise
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
at the
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age
of over 50s declined, though not by quite
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so
much, standing at 23% in 2015 and 16% in 2020.
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IELTS academic the ages of people employed in the UK public sector during two years, 2015 and 2020.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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