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children charity's expenditures with revenue sources

children charity's expenditures with revenue sources ORrxy
The pie charts illustrate the annual amount of accumulated and expended money and its sources for a children’s charity located in the USA. Overall, the charity received a total of 53, 561, 580 dollars. However, it spent 53, 224, 896 dollars of this money. The primary contributor of income are food donations, whereas, the major source of expenses are program services. As mentioned before, this organization benefitted the most from the food donations, namely 86, 6%. Other sources of income include: community contributions, program revenue, investment income, government grants and other income. Community’s assist makes up 10. 4% of general income while remaining sources constitute for roughly one third of community contributions’ value. Talking about expenditures, enormous part of it is taken by program services, 95. 8% to be precise. The last fraction of 4. 2% is shared by fundraising, which makes up 2. 6%, and Management and General, which is only 1. 6% of all the spending. Interestingly, almost all of the raised money was spent, having only approximately 300, 000$ saved.
The pie charts illustrate the annual amount of accumulated and expended money and its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
for a children’s charity located in the USA.

Overall
, the charity received a total of 53, 561, 580 dollars.
However
, it spent 53, 224, 896 dollars of this money. The primary contributor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
are food donations, whereas, the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of expenses
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
program services.

As mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, this organization
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
the most from the food donations,
namely
86, 6%. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
include: community contributions, program revenue, investment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
grants and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
. Community’s assist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up 10. 4% of general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
while remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
constitute for roughly one third of community contributions’ value.

Talking about expenditures, enormous part of it
is taken
by program services, 95. 8% to be precise. The last fraction of 4. 2%
is shared
by fundraising, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up 2. 6%, and Management and General, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1. 6% of all the spending.
Interestingly
, almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
raised money
was spent
, having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approximately 300,
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$000".
000$
saved.
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IELTS academic children charity's expenditures with revenue sources

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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