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Task writing 1 , fast food consumption

Task writing 1, fast food consumption 3LYjl
The bar chart illustrates the amount of daily calories coming from the consumption of fast food in both males and females of four different age groups in the year 2015. The data has been recorded in percentages. Overall, in both males and females, those belonging to age 18-34 seems to have consumed more street food than the rest. Whereas, in both 35-49 year olds and 50-64 year olds, fast food contributed almost same amount of calories. Least energy from these foods has been recorded in age 65+. However, in all the age ranges, it is evident that men have eaten more junk food than women. Focusing on, 18-34 year olds, almost 17% and 16% of calorie intake came from street cooked items in males and females respectively. Looking at, 35-49 year age group, almost equal values have been recorded in both of them which is just above 10% in men and and just over 9% women. Furthermore, it can be seen that people in age range 50-64 follow the same pattern as in 35-49, with minimal difference in consumption in both the genders, and values being 9% and just under 9% in men and women respectively. Finally, in the context of 65+ not much energy for daily requirements is obtained from junk food with lowest figures of 5% in males and around 3% in females, one fourth of the values as in 18-34year olds.
The bar chart illustrates the amount of daily calories coming from the consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
of four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2015. The data has
been recorded
in percentages.

Overall
, in both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, those belonging to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
18-34 seems to have consumed more street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than the rest. Whereas, in both 35-49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds and 50-64
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contributed almost same amount of calories.
A determiner is probably missing here: "the Least".
Least
energy from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
has
been recorded
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
65+.
However
, in all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
ranges, it is evident that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
have eaten more junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
than women.

Focusing on, 18-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
olds, almost 17% and 16% of calorie intake came from street cooked items in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
respectively
. Looking at, 35-49
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group, almost equal values have
been recorded
in both of them which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 10% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 9% women.

Furthermore
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
range 50-64 follow the same pattern as in 35-49, with minimal difference in consumption in both the genders, and values being 9% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 9% in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
respectively
.
Finally
, in the context of 65+ not much energy for daily requirements
is obtained
from junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
figures of 5% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and around 3% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, one fourth of the values as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
18-34year
olds.
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IELTS academic Task writing 1, fast food consumption

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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