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bar chart for olympic winners in twelve different countries.

bar chart for olympic winners in twelve different countries. OyrG3
This bar chart shows the numbers of olympic winners in twelve different countries. According to what is shown, the country with the most gold medals it is USA, which has won nearly 1000 gold medals. In second place and won nearly 500 medals is the Soviet Union, then, there is China, Italy and UK, they have got about the same number of these medals, after these countries, there are other countries that have a small difference between the number of winners, and among them are France, Germany, China and Japan. While a lot of countries have silver and bronze medals as well, almost except USA and Soviet Union, most countries have roughly the same number of silver medals winners, and the same goes for bronze medals. To sum up, we could say that USA and Soviet Union ranked first and second place on the Olympic medals chart, on the contrary of others countries, that got less than 500 medals.
This bar chart
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shows
the
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numbers
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympic
winners in twelve
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different
countries.

According to what
is shown
, the
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country
with the most gold
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medals
it is USA, which has won
nearly
1000 gold
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medals
. In second place and won
nearly
500
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medals
is the Soviet Union, then, there is China, Italy and UK, they have
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got
about the same
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number
of these
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medals
, after these
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countries
, there are other
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countries
that have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
difference between the
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number
of winners, and among them are France, Germany, China and Japan. While
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a lot of
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countries
have silver and bronze
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medals
as well
, almost
A determiner is probably missing here: "except the USA".
except USA
and Soviet Union, most
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countries
have roughly the same
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number
of silver
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medals
winners, and the same goes for bronze medals.

To sum up, we could say that USA and Soviet Union ranked
first
and second place on the Olympic
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medals
chart,
on the contrary
of others
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countries
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
less than 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
.
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IELTS academic bar chart for olympic winners in twelve different countries.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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