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task 1 table about the enrolment in bristol university

task 1 table about the enrolment in bristol university D6XEa
The given table illustrates how many students enrolled at Bristol university in three years 1928, 1958 and 2008, also focusing on the proportion of men and women and where they came from. Overall, during the period, Bristol University experienced a dramatic growth in enrolments with an increase in the percentage of female students while the figure of male decreased. Moreover, the percentage of students enrolling at Bristol University came from within 30 miles of Bristol dropped significantly whereas that of overseas pumped up. As for the number of students enrolling during the 880-year period, the data climbed in total from 218 students in 1928 to 6, 377 ones in 2008. Also, there was an opposite trend between the percentage of female and male students registering. When that of male students began with a higher percentage at 58% in 1928 and fell to 46% in 2008, the figure of female students grew up to 54%. Bristol University also witnessed the unlikely trend between the proportion of registers coming from within 30 miles of Bristol and that of overseas. The data of students who enrolled at Bristol University came from within 30 miles used to account for a half in 1928, but it dropped significantly in 2008, with around 2%. While there is a climb in that of overseas, with an increasing 23% of students registering and from 3 countries in 1928 to 98 countries in 2008.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled at Bristol
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university
in three years 1928, 1958 and 2008,
also
focusing on the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women and where they came from.

Overall
, during the period, Bristol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
experienced a dramatic growth in
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolments' is British English.
enrolments
with an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
while the figure of male decreased.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolling at Bristol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
came from within
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 miles
of Bristol dropped
significantly
whereas that of overseas pumped up.

As for the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolling during the 880-year period, the data climbed in total from 218
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students
in 1928 to 6, 377
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
in 2008.
Also
, there was an opposite trend between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of female and male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
registering. When that of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
began with a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
at 58% in 1928 and fell to 46% in 2008, the figure of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
grew up to 54%.

Bristol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
also
witnessed the unlikely trend between the proportion of registers coming from within
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 miles
of Bristol and that of overseas. The data of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who enrolled at Bristol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
came from within
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
30 miles
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to account for a half in 1928,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it dropped
significantly
in 2008, with around 2%. While there is a climb in that of overseas, with an increasing 23% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
registering and from 3 countries in 1928 to 98 countries in 2008.
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IELTS academic task 1 table about the enrolment in bristol university

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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