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talk about some good manners in some countries

talk about some good manners in some countries yDPmP
There are several table manners in Vietnam that you should know. First of all, wait for the table arrangement before sitting down. The host will invite you to your seat since there are positions allocated for each person based on the difference in age. Secondly, wait for the oldest people to start first. In Vietnam, many generations live under one roof, thus it is essential to show your respect, caring, and politeness to the elderly. Thirdly, pass your bowl with both hands. This is a way you show your respect to the older. Fourthly, do not point the chopsticks to anyone It is really rude when you point your chopsticks to others at the dining table. Do not make this mistake unless you want to upset the host. Finally, do not eat directly from shared dishes. Remember to pick out the food from shared dishes to your bowl first, and then eat it.
There are several table manners in Vietnam that you should know.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, wait for the table arrangement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sitting down. The host will invite you to your seat since there are positions allocated for each person based on the difference in age.
Secondly
, wait for the oldest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
first
. In Vietnam,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under one roof,
thus
it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
your respect, caring, and politeness to the elderly.
Thirdly
, pass your bowl with both hands. This is a way you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
your respect to the older.
Fourthly
, do not point the chopsticks to anyone It is
really
rude when you point your chopsticks to others at the dining table. Do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this mistake unless you want to upset the host.
Finally
, do not eat
directly
from shared dishes. Remember to pick out the food from shared dishes to your bowl
first
, and then eat it.
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IELTS academic talk about some good manners in some countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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