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Table shows the information and prediction of elder age people in 3 different countries

The table outlines the data and forecasted change in proportion of the community aged 65 and above in Canada, Germany and Uk during 1998, 2000 and an estimated ratio in 2030. Overall, the population of retired people is rising significantly in entire time duration. The highest percentage of elder masses was in Germany in all the years. Whereas, Uk was holding least population of aged folks. Starting from, Canada it's population of retired people was 16. 32 percentage in 1988. Which, then after rose by approximately 4% in the year 2000. Furthermore, it is estimated to touch 26. 35% of older masses by the year 2030. Moving towards, Germany a country with maximum elder group. In 1988 there was 20. 45% of retired community which, reached 25. 32 proportion in the year 2000. And it is predicted to hit the peak by 30. 42 percentage in the year 2030. Lastly, talking about Uk, in 1998, there was 14. 23 proportion of elder masses. In addition, there was not a major change in 2000 but it is forecasted to reach nearly 20% in 2030.
The table outlines the data and forecasted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in proportion of the community aged 65 and above in Canada, Germany and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
during 1998, 2000 and an estimated ratio in 2030.
Overall
, the population of retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
is
rising
significantly
in entire time duration. The highest percentage of elder masses was in Germany in all the years.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
was holding
A determiner is probably missing here: “the least”.
least
population of aged folks. Starting from, Canada it's population of retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was 16. 32 percentage in 1988. Which, then after rose by approximately 4% in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000.
Furthermore
, it
is estimated
to touch 26. 35% of older masses by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2030. Moving towards, Germany a country with maximum elder group. In 1988 there was 20. 45% of retired community which, reached 25. 32 proportion in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2000. And it
is predicted
to hit the peak by 30. 42 percentage in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2030.
Lastly
, talking about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
, in 1998, there was 14. 23 proportion of elder masses.
In addition
, there was not a major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in 2000
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
is forecasted
to reach
nearly
20% in 2030.
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IELTS academic Table shows the information and prediction of elder age people in 3 different countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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