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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian man and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity on 2010.

The chart compares the Australian males' and females' physical activity on a regular basis according to six age categories in the year 2010. Overall, women older than 25 tended to be more physically active rather than men of the same age, while the opposite is true for men and women under 24. It is safe to say that both men's and women's percentages showed fluctuations during the ages. Men's physical activity declined significantly at the age of 15-24 to 35-44 (from 52. 8% to 39. 5%) and after 44 there was a declining trend in the amount of men's exercise ( reduced about 7%). On the other hand, the percentage of Australian women doing regular physical activity increased at the age of 44, almost did not differ until the age of 64 and then reduced. The amount of physical activity of the women aged between 45 to 54, which is the highest, accounted for 53. 3% and the lowest, which was contributed to women over 65, accounted for 47. 1%, whereas the highest percentage of physical activity in men stood at 52. 8% for whom at age of 15-24 and the lowest was 39. 5% for men aged between 35 to 44.
The chart compares the Australian males' and females'
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physical
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activity
on a regular basis according to six
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age
categories in the year 2010.

Overall
,
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women
older than 25 tended to be more
physically
active
rather
than
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men
of the same
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age
, while the opposite is true for
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men
and
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women
under 24. It is safe to say that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's and women's percentages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
fluctuations during the ages.

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Men
's
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physical
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activity
declined
significantly
at the
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age
of 15-24 to 35-44 (from 52. 8% to 39. 5%) and after 44 there was a declining trend in the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's exercise
Don’t put a space after the opening parenthesis.
(
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reduced
about 7%).
On the other hand
, the percentage of Australian
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women
doing regular
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physical
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activity
increased at the
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age
of 44, almost did not differ until the
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age
of 64 and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

The amount of
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physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of the
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women
aged
After “between”, use “and”, not “to”.
between 45 to 54
, which is the highest, accounted for 53. 3% and the lowest, which
was contributed
to
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women
over 65, accounted for 47. 1%, whereas the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in
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men
stood at 52. 8% for whom at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 15-24 and the lowest was 39. 5% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
aged
After “between”, use “and”, not “to”.
between 35 to 44
.
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IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian man and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity on 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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